Overstimulated

Today is one of my best friend’s (LC) birthday. She invited some people over to her house & we had a good time laughing & hanging out. I stayed about an hour & then I was done. And it’s nothing against her at all – I love her. And because she’s amazing, she knows that. 🙂

I’m just exhausted from this week. I’m “peopled out.” I’m so over being around other people & having to smile or talk or be social in any way all the damn time. Do you have any idea how exhausting that shit is? Ugh.

I tried to not cry on the way home. I’m emotionally spent & there’s nothing left for me to give in any of my relationships. All I want to do is sit on the couch with my Beloved & watch some Netflix or something. Or maybe just listen to some soft cellos. I need a mellow evening but to still feel loved. That’s it. I should light some candles or something.

I came home & took a shower. I usually play some kind of music on the Bluetooth but tonight it was silent. I just listened to the water & closed my eyes. Even now, I’m stopping to take a moment & to enjoy the silence.

I’m beyond overstimulated. My head has been pounding all day. My anxiety has been high but not enough to warrant a Klonopin, IMO. I worked really hard to get a lot done before Shabbat so that’s good. And I’m honestly looking forward to going to temple tomorrow. Even if I don’t know what they’re saying, it recharges my spirit. 😉

My mind is usually whirling around like the stock market trading floor. But tonight, it’s more like a 90s internet connection. Everything feels sluggish & I can’t seem to focus on simple tasks. It’s frustrating yet I’m too mentally tired to fix it. I still have several thoughts flowing my mind – I need to finish laundry, Make sure you drink your water, I knew things would be canceled, Was it on purpose?, Am I upset or understanding?, Should I watch CSI & do laundry?, How did I get a bug bite through my pants?, etc.

Sigh…

I think I’m just gonna go. Maybe it’s for the best. Just light some candles, fold some laundry, & enjoy some CSI. Here’s hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Oh, look. It’s me.