One of my favorite compliments is “you’re different.” Even if it’s meant as an insult. It means you’ve noticed a change of direction in my life. I’m not stagnant; I’m moving. And because I choose to press on, even when I don’t feel like it, you can recognize there’s growth in my life.
Some of my changes are more subtle than others & are so small that you may not even see them. The past few days, I’ve gone to bed before midnight. I’m usually asleep by 2300 which, those who know me, know it’s unheard of. I’m the one that’s still up at 0200. I’m discovering that this Night Owl is becoming an Early Bird. I’m craving the morning sunshine & allowing its calmness to wash over me. I’m finding that I can make it through the day without needing a nap anymore. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but for someone with disruptive sleep & depression, that’s amazing.
Other changes have been really internal. They’ll manifest externally soon enough but they’ll take time. I’ve had a few harsh eye-opening experiences recently & I need to “chew on it” for a while. That’s why, by the way, I’ve been quiet. I know I haven’t been posting as much. I’m not sure what to say when I don’t completely understand it myself. I’m starting to see patterns in my life, both good or bad, & I’m trying to sort it out. I’m learning to take things slow & really focus on me.
So yes. I’m different. I’m not the same woman from 20 years ago or from 20 days ago. I’m constantly developing & molding myself into the best version of SC I can be. Instead of rushing to the finish line, I’m learning to slow down & concentrate on each step so that I am wholly healed & complete. My system of quick band-aids over serious hemorrhaging isn’t working. It’s time to stop & mend my wounds.