finding my truth

Whew, nelly. It’s been interesting lately.

Turns out, when you eliminate the distractions, you’re forced to work on your deep seated issues. And lemme tell you – it’s been heavy.

If you’ve been a faithful reader for a while (thank you!), you know I’ve spent the earlier part of this journey getting my mental health in check before I dove into other areas.

In fact, here’s the format I stumbled across that actually works lol :

Step 1 – Get chemically balanced, go to therapy, DO THE WORK. If you’re unwilling to do that, you’re not ready. Plain & simple. Too many times I see others who want instant results & that’s not gonna happen. And, frankly, I don’t have time for others who refuse to work on themselves. If you’re 25 & trying to figure out life, okay, I’ll give you some grace for a while. If you’re 45? Nope. You know better.

Step 2 – Deal with your childhood trauma. Holy shit, dude. As a Xennial, there’s been a lot I’ve had to deal with in my life. Add unhealthy parents & you got yourself a bonafide basket case. It took me a few years to really unpack a lot of knee-jerk reactions I had. I’m not telling you that it’s easy, because, fuck no, it’s not. I am telling you that it’s worth it. I’m no longer angry at my folks, but I don’t feel sympathy for them either. I’m…neutral. Which at this stage of my life, that’s a vast improvement from where I’ve been (including childhood). I’m able to see them as flawed humans. And to me, at this point, there’s no desire on my end to reconcile with my mother & that’s approved by my therapist.

Let me note real quick that this is why you get into therapy FIRST. Let the professional help & guide you to what’s best for you & your situation. Allow them to be the voice of reason for your situation. They may think you should reach out or they may think you should cut them off.

Step 3 – Relearn, retrain, & rewire your brain. “BuT tRaUmA cHaNgEs ThE bRaIn” – So change it back. Make it stronger. Make it better. It’s a grey, squishy organ. Make it work for you. I’m proof that it can happen.

I’m so over people using mental illness (or neurodivergence) as an excuse for not getting shit done. I still have struggles & issues that are beyond challenging. But we keep moving forward.

Is it a handicap? Yes. In the race of life, you’ll find that you have more obstacles & hurdles. But that doesn’t mean you can’t run. It also doesn’t mean that you expect others to feel sympathy for you & your situation because your track is different from theirs. The world doesn’t give a fuck. And if you’re sitting there whining about how unfair life is, you’ll find yourself alone in the dust while everyone else progresses & moves on without you.

Shut the fuck up & run. Crawl if you have to but get moving. We’re all sick of your excuses. If you know better, then be better.

Step 4 – Repeat as needed & persevere like a motherfucker. That means on good days, bad days, light days, heavy days, high days, low days, & everything in between. You do the work even when you don’t feel like it, because, news flash, you’re never gonna feel like it.

And I’m talking to myself here. I’ve been dealing with some really rough deep beliefs that are either completely wrong or no longer relevant to my life. I’ve been peeling back the layers to get the heart of some of this bullshit & mentally chewing through it.

Case in point, I had a serious, traumatic issue from my past (like around 10 years ago) suddenly come to the frontline & want my attention. This issue was practically begging for me to get my emotions all stirred up & involved. Instead, I acknowledged it, released it, & moved on. And now, I don’t think about it or care what happens. That’s the power of healing. Now that’s become my new knee-jerk reaction.

Some of my issues have simple fixes. Like once the light comes in, I can make the adjustment & it’s a non-issue at that point. But others are multi-layered & heavy with grief. They take more time but are just as important as the simple ones. Each is crucial to my overall healing. Sometimes the simple ones bring as much clarity if not more than the more complex ones.

And I don’t have it all figured out. I’m human, I fuck up, & sometimes I feel like I’m taking a step backwards. The goal here is consistency. So, yes, it seems quiet over here, but I’m getting a lot of deep healing taken care of. I feel like a different person, even from 6 months ago.

And it’s all good.