finding my truth

Important Disclaimer: I want to tell you this story, but I’m not sure if this person is a reader of my blog. I will change some details, give them different names (let’s do Friends characters), & do my best to protect their privacy. This story will definitely raise some eyebrows, so let’s all do our best to remember that we’re all human & “we listen & we don’t judge.”

I have this incredible friend, Monica. She’s beautiful inside & out, loves the macabre, & tends to go against the flow, which makes her so rare & unique. I immediately clicked with her as we have similar vibes & interests.

Women don’t tend to like her because she’s different. Let me be clear – there’s nothing wrong with her. But because she’s not blonde, not into Taylor Swift, & hates the color pink, she’s painted in a bad light.

People suck.

Anyways, because of this, she tends to attract men more than women. 98% of the time, it’s innocent. This story is about that 2%.

A few years ago, Monica met Joey. They were friends & over time it developed into something more. Here’s the kicker – Joey was technically married at the time. Joey wanted a full life with her, but she didn’t. She thought he was a fling & told him that repeatedly. She tried several times to break it off with him while he was getting his shit together. Still, he got the divorce with the hopes that she would be his wife, “because isn’t that what girls want?” She broke it off, reiterating that she didn’t want that life.

Please note: we don’t feel sorry for Joey. Fuck that.

Time goes on as it does & she learned more about herself & what she wants in a relationship. Then, she met Chandler. She & Chandler were perfect for each other. I’ve never seen her so happy. They had a couple years together where everything was wonderful. They rarely fought & seemed to be on the same wavelength with everything. He told her he had to “sort some shit out but it wasn’t about her” & he would talk to her soon.

Then, he fell off the map & went completely AWOL.

Got off socials, blocked her number, & cut her off. She was crushed. She tried repeatedly to reach out & he never replied. This behavior was out of nowhere & left her asking me questions like, “What did I do wrong?”

I’ve read the texts, seen the screenshots, & I can’t find anything she “did wrong.” I told her, “I think it’s the Icarus Effect again.”

The Icarus Effect, as I’m calling it, is when men find these incredible women blissfully unaware that it’s to their detriment. Monica is independent, self-sufficient, & a confident 40-something. She’s old enough to know what she wants & to go after it. There’s something so sexy, so alluring about that.

She attracts these men who are or just recently with these (for lack of a better phrase) Utah Moms. You know what I mean… Missionary Wednesdays, floppy hats, Starbees in hand, complete with the long cardigan & riding boots.

Monica is the direct opposite of them. Part of me wonders if maybe that’s why? Regardless, they fly closer & closer to her only to have their waxy wings melt. They fall hard for her & blame her for it. She’s left wondering what went wrong. She told them her intentions from the beginning. How could they misinterpret it?

To her defense, I’ve read these messages. She makes it very clear what she wants. She’s not a “pick me” girl. She’s more interested in having a fling when it works for her than having a long term relationship. Think fuck buddy versus life partner. My guess is that these guys are like, “Fuck yeah!” & sign up for it. Blinded by their own hubris, they soon realize that that’s all she’s offering, they crash & curse her for melting their flimsy wings.

As of this writing, Monica is single. She’s still a little heartbroken over Chandler & wonders if she’ll ever get closure. I tried to encourage her that the sun doesn’t need to apologize for being bright & warm. That’s what it does. That’s who she is.