Building walls

Disclaimer: I'm sure somebody will read this & want to reach out. Please don't. I'm not looking for a handout or pity friends. I'm done with that. I'm working through some heartache & this is how I'm doing it. I've spent most of the day isolating myself from friends & loved ones. I need space …

Empty promises

I know I've mentioned this before but it's weighing on my mind today... I'm so done with waiting and waiting and waiting for people to get their shit together. I realized today that while waiting for a change that will never happen, I'm putting my life on hold. Why do I do that? Why can't …

Hermit

Ugh. I'm emotionally, financially, socially, mentally, physically exhausted. I know. Everyone says that. I feel like today it's not an exaggeration. EMOTIONALLY I'm numb. There's some shit that has upset me (intimate relationships have their ups & downs) but I'm tired of going around & around. Fine. I give up. You win. Have it your way. …

Saying goodbye

I've been thinking lately about people from my past. Old friends who've moved away or we've naturally drifted apart after graduation or when jobs end. Toxic "friends" I had to keep away for my own health (& my therapist agrees). Everything from big blow-outs over a significant other to walking away with no response. What …

“I would, but…”

I fucking hate that phrase. Do you know how many times I've heard it? Roughly sixty bajillion. It's always said to me like it's supposed to make everything better. Like they're the first person to bail on me. Like everything was out of their control & I'm the only one who has to suffer. But …

My hands are tied

Trigger warning: physical abuse Remember how I mentioned there's a lot I wanna tell you but my mind's been a blank? I bought a little notepad today (my weakness) so I can write them down as they come to me. Ergo, this post. 🙂 I've told Dr. G several times about some of the emotional …

Hopeless

Once again, I'm feeling really low so I'm just working through things. Sigh... I don't know where to begin. It's all kinda rough but I'll do my best to explain how I feel. I'm very depressed & feeling very hopeless. I'm in bed & I keep staring at the thick, black belt that's hanging over …

Waiting…

Feeling low today, so as you know, I'm gonna work on getting all of this out to help me deal. I'm so fucking tired of being told to wait. To hold on. To have some patience. No more. When is it going to be my time? Am I not worthy of attention? I get working …