Hey…
I had some pretty serious shit happen. In the course of a week, I lost two family members (one in my family & one in my SO’s family). Remember that awesome aunt I was telling you about? Yeah, she died shortly afterwards. From the time I heard about her being in the hospital to her passing? Less than 48 hours. It’s been a huge shock.
I ended up taking that Friday off from work to grieve. So, no, I didn’t go to the work outing & I know I already wasn’t feeling it. But I spent all day Thursday being worthless at work & crying off & on. I needed time away to process.
I don’t know why I feel like I have to justify my grief but I do. Just roll with it.
They say “death comes in threes” & I just heard about the 3rd person a few days ago. He was an aunt’s ex-husband so I don’t think I ever met him. I do know his children who are now in their late 20s or early 30s. My heart hurts for them.
Moving away from the macabre, I was in a depressive episode for the better part of a month. I mean, you know this because I didn’t do my daily goal of blogging. Honestly, I didn’t have it in me. There were times I would just cry or feel hollow. I feel like being on proper medication means my lows aren’t as low but they can plateau which is totally what happened. Between familial death, making difficult decisions regarding friendships, & reprioritizing characteristics in my life, I found myself sleeping a lot & feeling numb.
I am feeling better. It’s like the fog slowly lifted a few days ago. Again, I’m not sure what caused it to fade away (time?) but I’m doing better. 🙂 I really believe it was just bad timing of everything & my aunt’s passing affecting me hard.
So let’s review last month’s goals. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to lay this out so we’re all on the same page. My notes for this month will be italicized. I might change my method next month but here we go:
AUGUST GOALS
FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS, I WILL:
– blog daily … Haha nope but you already know that
– pursue my Jewish beliefs & interests … Done!
I WILL DO THIS BY:
– writing out my thoughts to help my overall mental health … I’m going to continue to post but I learned I needed absolute quiet & zero distractions to process all the noise
– rejoining the daily minyan (morning prayers) & finishing my conversion requirements … All requirements are done, son! Woo hoo! I’ve done morning prayers a few times (TBH) & I do enjoy it. I’ve just been focusing on the conversion stuff.
BY DOING THIS, I AM TAKING CARE OF MY:
– mental & psychological health … Yes!
– spiritual health … Yes!
And a new category going forward:
WHAT DID I LEARN FROM THE PREVIOUS MONTH’S GOAL:
– I learned that I enjoy blogging but I have to listen to my mind. This wasn’t a time for me to work through it via typing & talking to you. It was too much for me to process. And you know what? That’s okay. I like the idea of blogging twice a week & I’m going to make a concerted effort to do so on Mondays & Thursdays.
– I learned that I definitely love Judaism & this is my path. I always feel refreshed & encouraged. I feel energized now that I have all my requirements done. It’s a very good place to be. 🙂
Well, there you go! That was my August. Now, let’s talk about September:
FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS, I WILL:
– use what I have in-house as much as I can.
I WILL DO THIS BY:
– cooking meals with what’s in my cabinet, fridge, & freezer. Not buying myself anything new & fancy. Using what I’ve already spent money on. You get the idea.
BY DOING THIS, I AM TAKING CARE OF MY:
– financial health
finding my truth 