Clouds

I’ve been thinking about what Dr. G told me to do with intrusive thoughts. She’s mentioned to me a few times of acknowledging their presence (either by taking a moment or saying, “That’s interesting”) before releasing it & letting it go.

I’m sure this sounds like an easy-peasy task for most of you. For me, it’s been a huge struggle. I mean, obvi, that’s why it’s something we’re working on in therapy. I’m not one to quickly dismiss anything. I like to take it on personally, examine it from every angle, work out any solutions, & maybe 347 years down the road, I’ll discard it. 😉

Maybe.

Okay, so she wants me to work on recognizing a thought & letting it go. She’s been telling me to do this for probably a year. It’s not that I’ve avoiding the work, because that’s not who I am. It’s a very difficult task for me. It’s something I have to really baby step through. I want to overanalyze & overthink everything. That’s a symptom of anxiety & depression. Sprinkle in some OCD & you got quite the trifecta of “not letting shit go.”

So between her wanting me to work on it & wanting myself to be a better person, I downloaded Headspace & I’ve been using that every night before I go to bed. It’s probably been a few weeks but OMG. I’ve been falling asleep faster & feeling better throughout the day. I’m still working on trying to sleep through the night but I’ll get there. I’ve got a good amount of stress going on right now with both jobs so I’m sure that’s why.

Every night, I choose a sleepcast or a sound like thunderstorm to fall asleep to. I put in my ear buds & follow the meditation to relax. Sometimes, I’m out before the story or sounds really get started. They do a wonderful job of teaching you how to release the day & to be grateful for all that you’ve accomplished.

So I’m working on that & doing the visual exercise she gave me. She said:

“Imagine your thoughts as clouds. You can acknowledge their presence but let them pass. Watch them disappear & go to the next thought. Don’t let them stay.”

I told her I’ve been trying to think of balloons & letting them go but I like the clouds idea much better. Because with a balloon, you can still see it in the distance. It’s doesn’t fade into the background like a cloud would.

I was outside the other day & looked up at the clouds. I took a moment to watch them move & thought about what Dr. G said. These thoughts are just that – thoughts. They are not reality. I can see them & let them go.