Trigger warning: I’m going to talk about my small experience with dissociation as a way of starting to process this complex concept.
I think everyone dissociates from time to time. You get lost in thought. You’re driving down the road & letting your mind wander. You stare into space. Again, I think most people have had those experiences.
Mine have been a little…different.
Not in a sense that I have dissociative identity disorder (think “Split” – such a good movie!). But when I’m stressed, there are times I feel out of sorts. I don’t know how to describe it so forgive me if it sounds scattered.
Sometimes, I feel like it’s a dream. Like I know whatever is happening to me but it doesn’t feel like it. Other times, my mind has completely blocked it out. Or I feel like it was a show I watched or something – “No, that wasn’t me” – only to find out later, yes, it was. I don’t have multiple personalities nor do I hallucinate. But I do separate myself from reality when shit hits the fan. There are gaps in my memory & that bothers me. What did I say? What did I do?
I’ve only been recently reading up on this so I don’t have a lot of experience or expertise in this area. I stumbled upon this comic tonight which I think explains it very well. It helped me realize I’m not the only one. That, & Hank helped me out, too. 🙂
Today’s post isn’t a long one but I wanted to start to delve into this topic. Not only to share this journey with you, dear reader, but also to help me start to work through this.
Ugh, trauma. What a bitch.