Updates with Dr. Cox

Hey – 

Things have been really rough. I’m just gonna type & see what comes out. I usually have something of an idea or I check my ongoing list of topics. But my thoughts are all muddled so I need to get some clarity. Let’s see what happens…

JOB UPDATE

Oy. Okay, so after applying to something like 40-45 jobs (I have a spreadsheet because of course, I do). I had an AMAZING interview this past Monday with this company. After two interviews, they seemed to really like me & I really liked them. The opportunity is EXACTLY what I’m looking for & they didn’t flinch at my salary request. They already want to pay me to become certified (to become a CPA) & I’m not even employed with them yet. The board member I interviewed with said, “You know, we don’t really have a position open but when we come across a strong individual, I think it’s smart if we move forward. I’ll do whatever it takes, I’ll find the money somewhere, to get you in.”

Holy shit. Yes, dude. Let’s do it!

So then he tells me that he has a board meeting on Wednesday & he’s gonna bring it up to them & let me know. I had my answer Friday AM. Short version is they like me but thanks to COVID-19, they’re not sure how that’s gonna affect their business (they do books for small businesses). Or as he put it:

“When we return to normal operations and we get a better feel for how these events have affected our client base, we may have an interest in adding you in this new position if you are still available.  So I will reach out to you when the COVID-19 dust settles.”

Fuuuuck.

Okay, so it’s not a “no” but it’s not really a “yes” either. It’s a “wait-&-see.” This hit me hard. I thought I knocked the interview out of the ballpark. I interviewed with him & the HR manager & they both said they really liked me. I know I’m not supposed to take it personally but I have. Because do you know me at all? 😉

He had already told me it would be May at the earliest which has been my experience with other positions so I’m not bothered by that. My issue now is, “Do I wait & see if I get my dream job? Or do I get something else?”

Stress level? 10/10

MENTAL UPDATE

Like I said, it’s been rough. Unemployment hasn’t gone through in over a month (no idea why. I’ve been hounding them to figure out what the holy fuck is their problem). Stuck at home with others so I’m never alone. My jump drive with my whole life for the last 5 years broke. Every day is a fucking blur & feels like a waste.

Yeah. I’ve been better.

After dropping off my jump drive to a local place that said, “It’ll be tricky but they’ll try to fix it,”  I had to pull over. I was crying too hard. I sat there in a random, hidden lot, by myself, & wept. That, of course, triggered a panic attack because I have zero control over anything in my life.

“NeItHeR dOeS aNyOnE eLsE.”

Shut the fuck up. I don’t give two shits about anyone else when I’m deep in survival mode. Besides, I have OCD. So being out of control is a living nightmare. I’m counting a lot more & rubbing my hands a lot. Trying to cope with all of this is beyond difficult. I hate dismissive attitudes.

Stress level? 8/10. Meds help but it’s still really hard to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

PHYSICAL UPDATE

Ugh. Chronic pain is a bitch, y’all.

I’ve been dealing with joint pain for years & years. As a loved one told me today, “It’s not the age, sweetheart; it’s the mileage.” And I’m feeling every mile I’ve traveled in my 37 years.

I redownloaded Down Dog (not sponsored) to get back into the swing of things. I’m tired of waking up with tight & sore muscles & feeling like I need to crawl towards the ibuprofen. I did the beginner, gentle flow at the recommended 15 minutes. It’s supposed to be relaxing. By the end, I was softly crying. It’s ridiculous how much pain I’m in.

And here’s the best part. Any doctor will tell you to work out regularly. To stretch every day to help strengthen your tendons & ligaments, to support your joints & bones, & to prevent any more injuries. They’ll say to drink 8 glasses of water & to sleep 8 hours at night. They’ll say to rest when you need to & if it gets real bad, take 800 mg of ibuprofen.

Does. Not. Work.

I feel like I’m stuck in this weird limbo of wanting to work out to be healthy but being crippled by cat & cow stretch.

Stress level? 7/10. I’ve gotten used to it which is sad.

Things are really, really shitty with no end in sight. This fucking sucks. Really channeling Perry lately…