Look at me!

Today’s gifset was requested by MB. Certain character you wanna see? Let me know!

I’ve noticed a new change lately. I told you how I could tell my subconscious was finally cooperating. But I’m seeing the effect in my conscious life.

I’m overall…happier. I can’t quite put my finger on what it was or what it is. Maybe it’s just me realizing how far I’ve come. I don’t want to lose this feeling of accomplishment & I believe if I write it out, it’ll help me see the big picture of how much I’ve done. Don’t get me wrong; I still have a lot of work to do but things are clicking for me. There are several times during the day that I have to stop & tell myself that this is my reality now. I’m no longer dreaming, wishing, hoping for a better life. It’s starting to happen.

So! In no particular order, here are some positive changes I’ve noticed:

PHYSICAL HEALTH – GYM

Okay, so clothes are still a little tight BUT I’ve been consistent at the gym & I haven’t felt this good in a while. The difference is I’m giving myself permission to take a rest day when I need it. Doesn’t sound like much but it’s a huge accomplishment for me. I never give myself permission to be human. I expect myself to be perfect all the damn time. So even if I take it slower than someone else, I’m still on the right path. Dr. G had told me to go slow like a year ago. Better late than never. 😉

PHYSICAL HEALTH – FOOD

I found my “why.” I found out why I overeat, why I eat shit, & why I keep doing this to myself. I knew I was hitting a wall but now I see it. It’s this general feeling but I’ll do my best to explain it. The short version is it’s a form of escapism coupled with fear & stress. I don’t know what’s gonna happen so I’ll stress-eat. Or I’m scared to deal with my boss so I’m eating, & so on. I know it seems obvious but to see it as a blend of several other issues helps me recognize how complex it really is. And now that I see it? I’m doing a lot of this:

I’m not angry with myself anymore. I understand why I did what I did. Self-comforting & all. And I think by being very forgiving of myself is why I’m able to make some serious impact against this wall.

I’m down about 8 lbs. Kicking ass & taking names. 😉

MENTAL HEALTH – DRAMA

I’m happily cutting myself off from drama. It doesn’t matter where it comes from – I’m moving on immediately. My mom sent me a “Wahhh! Poor me!” card. I rolled my eyes & tossed it. I noped right out of there. In the words of Dr. G, “I’m not engaging.” I have a friend who’s just royally fucking up everything good in their life. Again, not engaging. And with Job #1, I’ve started to actively look for something else because it’s the last major toxic area in my life.

I. Am. Done.

MENTAL HEALTH – HOBBIES

I’m reading more, treating myself to DIY face masks or mani/pedis, taking the time to play with hair or makeup, & other fun little things I can do around the house. I’m watching encouraging YouTube videos & funny sitcoms from the 90s & 00s. I’m making time for me & making my personal mental health #1 priority. And yes, I’m happier.

FINANCIAL HEALTH

I did the math & I can definitely be out of debt (excluding student loans because GROAN) this year. Which is just amazing to me. Of course, that’s if my job doesn’t change. Since I’m looking for a better one, maybe within 6 months.

I finally feel like the weight is being lifted. I’m really, really happy & proud of myself & of how far I’ve come. I can’t wait to post more changes. 🙂