I decided to get back on Twitter. It’s been about 5 years & I’ve been playing with the idea for a while. I’m getting more annoyed with FB & everyone’s chaos. I have my own I’m trying to deal with.
I also found myself editing a lot since I have coworkers, family members, & others I have to “hide” from. I can’t say shit like, “This fucking cocksucker” & have parents of my students see it. Ugh. Politics.
As of now, only 1 person knows I’m on Twitter. It’s kinda nice. I can be me. I can flirt with the cute girl & not worry about judgment or homophobia. I can say my political beliefs & not have a family member debate with me. I can be… Real.
Granted, I haven’t tweeted that much but I find it’s a way to connect to the world yet still be disconnected. Which, honestly, is what I need. Especially now.
As I said yesterday, I tried to bypass this episode. I failed. It hit me hard tonight in class. I came home, said “hey” to my SO, & cried in the shower. I’m still crying on & off and I’m in bed. It’s 2140. That’s where I’m at. I feel truly useless, ignored, & alone. I know it’s depression. I KNOW. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel real or hurt.
I know what’s triggering it but it’s nothing I want to get into now. It’s a lot of “I know what’s best” from everyone combined with my mental illness & I’m out for the count. I don’t have the strength to fight it. Fine, you’re right. I don’t care anymore. I just want to curl up in a ball & cry.
So yeah. That’s me. You can follow along: @TzedakahPiggy (I’ll explain the name later). I plan on being there more & sharing what’s on my mind & heart.
Accurate as fuck