Ugh, FINALLY.
I’ve been beyond slammed & stressed for Job #1 for about 3 weeks now. Shit has hit the fan & I’ve been pushing & pushing to get through. I’m finally caught up (which, to me, caught up means ahead of the curve) & feel like I now have a moment to breathe.
I don’t really want to get into work as that’s been my life for the past month. Just know it’s been hella stressful & I’m really glad to be “over the hump,” so to speak. Instead, I want to talk about my unhealthy coping mechanisms & how that’s affected me.
So, for starters, I haven’t been to the gym. Instead of going, I’ve been working. I know. Not the best decision but it’s honest. Second, I haven’t been eating correctly as I’ve been opting for what’s cheap & fast & right in my kitchen. I’ve had some pb&js, chips, & oodles of caffeine. As you can imagine, I’m bloated as fuck & super dehydrated. I am drinking some water but nowhere near the amount I used to drink (think 32 oz versus 100 oz).
Nothing fits & I feel physically miserable (mentally, I’m doing pretty good). I’ve always been very in-tune with my body. Instead of a well-oiled machine, it feels like tar. If you’ve ever had super healthy moments & super unhealthy moments, you know what I mean. It’s like you can feel your body struggling. It’s not a good feeling. 😦 Who knew eating a bunch of shit & stress was hard on the body? 😉
So today is a Start Over day. I’m trying to give myself permission & to really get it down into my subconscious that it’s okay. I was in survivor mode & I did what I had to do to get through. Now, we’re through it (even Boss #1 commented on how he could tell it was rough on me. And he’s not observant at all). Time to shift back into a healthy lifestyle.
It’s okay, SC. Just move forward.
I’m listening to my affirmations playlist on Youtube & taking time to breathe slowly. I’m working & getting myself & my house back in order. I want to get it all ready for Shabbat so that I can really rest. I’ve needed it. 🙂 I haven’t had a good night’s rest in way too damn long.
I don’t know if I’m gonna go to the gym today. Normally, I would & tomorrow would be a rest day. But if I’m being honest, I’m exhausted & I feel like I would just hurt myself. Like I keep running into stupid shit because I’m tired & my balance is off. Does that make sense? I feel klutzy. I know it’s just because I’m worn out but maybe it would be wise to not raise a bar over my head. Hmm… 😉
*deep breaths*
I can do this. I’ve been through worse. This is bush league. I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it.
finding my truth 