Reflection

Ugh. I feel like I have so much to tell you, so much to get out of me, & no time to do it. I need to prioritize better. I’m sure my next few posts will seem scattered but at least you’ll know why. 😉 So in no particular order, here’s the first of many:

Shana tova, everybody! Woo hoo! 5780!

Monday was Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) & Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) is on Wednesday. This week is like a “prep” week. Traditionally, we look back at the previous year, see where we fucked up, & make note of changes we need to do.

So, in true Jewish form, I’ve been doing a lot of reflection lately. How did I handle this past year? What are some mistakes I made? What are some of my best highlights? How can I do better?

If I’m being honest, I think I did some things really, really right. I’ve been working on my mental health via medication, therapy, & actually doing what my therapists tell me to do. Which, let’s face it, that’s the toughest part of therapy. I’ve curbed bad habits & worked on developing good ones. I’ve focused on myself & have done my best to let others do their own thing. Even if I don’t agree, I’m not responsible for their actions.

Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also notice the negatives. 😉 I tend to view them stronger than the positives as I’m still working through this perfectionism habit. I feel like the negatives are just glaring at me & that I need to deal with them RIGHT THIS SECOND. Most of that is anxiety/OCD so I have my own ways of coping & dealing that would be different from you or anyone else. Everyone has different triggers, right?

I’m still processing all of this so it’s a little like muddy waters right now. Once it settles, I should be able to look into the water & see a clear reflection of who I am & who I want to be. I have an idea of the direction I want to head into but I’m not quite there yet.

All in due time…