Stunned

Sigh… Well, I don’t have to wait until October anymore. I got my answer tonight & I wasn’t ready at all. It was wrapped in a broken promised package with a pretty little bow. Things that were gonna work a few days ago are now gone.

I’m so tired of being hurt. I’m so tired of being lied to. I’m so tired of being a band-aid. I’m so tired of being used. I stupidly believed they were different & they were just like the rest.

Nobody knows what’s going on behind closed doors. They just assume I’m always good & I’m strong. There’s a lot of pain & hurt here. And the one or two I’ve shared most of my darkest demons with? They’re now gone. Completely gone.

I don’t know how I feel. I gave them everything. And now? I’m a husk of who I once was. I’m stunned. I’ve been crying on & off for the last hour or so. It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I’m very broken. I’m very depressed. I’m very suicidal. I’m very tired of this life.

I think I just need to be completely isolated for a while. No one seems to notice or care the damage they’ve caused.

I’m done with trusting others. I’m done with loving them & being the only one who was around. I’m done with giving them my heart & soul. It’s not like I could anymore anyways. There’s nothing left…

And they broke all 3…