Worn out

I started classes last week which was great. I noticed last night that I was missing a few students & I had a few “sickies” show up. And today? Today, my throat hurts & I’m a little stuffy.

Ughhhh. Leave your sick kids at home! Airborne viruses are a thing!

My period started yesterday, too. To say I feel weak is an understatement. I’m on my 2nd Bang, I had a Red Bull as well, plus I took a nap. I’m just worn out. My body is like, “Can we not?” Thankfully, I only have to teach tonight & then I’m done for the week.

Mentally, I’m wrung out. Before I started work on Job #1 yesterday morning, Boss #1 sent me an email. He chewed my ass out & didn’t hold back. Saying shit like, “I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore.” I wasn’t giving you excuses but okay? If you give me 30% of the information, I’m gonna have questions on how you want me to finish the projects. He went off on shit that doesn’t apply to me (like me not replying to group texts that have nothing to do with me) & bringing up old issues I thought were dealt with months ago.

Clearly, he’s projecting but words still hurt. I didn’t cry; I’m furious. Shit like, “I’m your employer & you need to respect me as such.” Seriously, what the fuck does that mean? What am I doing differently that you’re thinking is disrespectful? I keep my head down & work. How is that wrong? Most employers want that! This is the same guy would get pissed at me for being “too professional” & “cold.” If I’m more friendly, I’m accused of “crossing a line.” If I’m strictly professional, I’m accused of “holding things back.” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

He ended it by saying something like, “Just acknowledge that you’ve read this & that you’re gonna change” (whatever the hell that means). I replied, “Received & understood” & that’s the most I’ve said to him since 0830 yesterday. Still don’t know what I did to warrant that but what the fuck ever *insert jerk off motion here.* I’m just gonna keep doing me.

Yes, he is an asshole.

So after a verbal reaming, I’ve been beyond distant. Everything I reply to is “done” or “k.” If I ever reply “k,” you know shit got real. 😉 I do my job & I do it really well. I’m not my meth-head coworker, who I’m pretty sure is using again. I really don’t get it.

So yeah. I haven’t been feeling amazing the last day or two. I’m doing what I can to deal with it & to try to move on. I’ve been keeping to myself & pulling my walls in closer. I really want to just lie in bed all day. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow so my body can heal. There’s a fine balance, though, so that I don’t slide into an episode. Sigh…

Here’s hoping


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