Ugh. Where to start?
I had a fight with someone last night. Same issue we’ve fought about before. I’m tired of it. There’s only so many times I can voice my needs before I give up. I’m not even mad anymore. I’m worn out. There’s nothing left for me to say or do.
So, obviously, I slept like shit last night. I still went to Temple because I knew I needed it. Afterwards, I took a nap & got something to eat. Physically, I feel better. My heart is still tired, and sadly, sleep doesn’t help with that.
I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of a lake without an oar. This person is paddling by with a boat full of supplies. I’m asking them for an oar & they’re offering a life jacket. Thanks but I have a life jacket. “Here. Have a flare.” No, I need an oar. “Here’s some food.” OAR. “I don’t know what you want.” Forget it. I’ll just drift out to sea.
After several failed attempts, I’m at this point where I just want to lie down & let the current slowly carry me to land or sea. I am brokenhearted because I feel like there’s nothing else I can do or say. If they don’t get it at this point, they never will.
I’m honestly not sure what to do. I’m still in this fog. I mean, it’s taking me about 90 minutes just to type this little bit out. I can’t think straight.
I just need a fucking oar…