Supernova

I’ve been overwhelmed, in a fog, & unable to think straight. I’ve been meaning to talk to you but I can’t seem to get the words out. I’m slow-moving & I can feel the stress piling on. So much so, my jaw has been hurting non-stop for about 2 weeks now (from clinching, not from other things lol). I feel like I’m just stagnant. Shit is getting done & everything on the outside looks great. But looks can be deceiving. My mental health is fucking shot. I can’t seem to relax & let go.

I’m not even sure how to describe it to you. It’s all a blur & I’m not sure where to start. It’s almost as if I’m working so hard to maintain outward appearances that my mental house of cards is about to fall.

TBH, I’m burned out. With myself, with my loved ones, with work, with everyone. There’s nothing left. I feel like a star & I’m about to explode.

…But maybe that’s what I need to do…

Maybe I need to stop holding on & just give in to the gravity of the situation. Let me fall into the chasm & allow the inevitable to happen. Let it change my chemistry, down to the very last detail, of who I am. In the midst of chaos, let me emerge as a beautiful, confident soul, revealing the goddess who I am. Maybe I need to let dull relationships, lackluster friends, & empty promises die so that a new life can start. Maybe that’s my problem…

I’m trying so hard to juggle all of these things in the air & no one else seems to notice or care that I’m struggling. What happens if I walk away? What happens if I let them fall? Will they take responsibility? Will nothing happen?

Only one way to find out…