Girl, bye

Well, this sucks.

Remember yesterday how I was honest & direct with what I need? Friend #1 & #2 have been damn near silent all day. Like maybe one or two lines of text. That’s it. But that’s nothing compared to Friend #3. I talked to them briefly on the phone & they sound happy. HAPPY.

What the actual fuck.

We agreed to make a painful, temporary change to help for the future. I’m doing okay today, not amazing, but I’m coping. They’re all happy & having a great day. Wow. They haven’t been this happy in months, so I pull back, & now they’re thrilled. Like having me not in the picture is exactly what they needed.

*scoffs* … Okay…

Oh, & I’m fighting with my SO, which is always a fucking delight. It’s like everyone is just angry with me or better off without me.

So here is where I stand: If I’m honest, I lose friends or they’re elated. If I don’t say anything, I’m unhappy but not alone. I’m sure any other time of my life & I would have chosen unhappiness in favor of not being alone. But you know what? Fuck that. If my happiness means that little to you, you can fuck right off. So they can all leave & they can be so happy that I’m not in the picture & whatever else. I’m just going to focus on me & continue being the best person I can be. And if it’s just me & two friends then that’s fine. I’d rather have two real friends than twenty fake friends.