Making hard decisions

Continuing with today’s earlier post…

So I talked to Dr. G. Such a breath of fresh air. Seriously, everyone should be in therapy. I told her all about how I’ve been angry & sick of everyone’s bullshit. I told her I don’t feel guilty about it. I’m just done. And then she said the most magical words I heard today lol

SC, I think you’re fine with being angry. It sounds like to me you’re being assertive. It has a negative connotation to it but there is a positive side of it. You know how to be direct & say what you need. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Ahh… So nice. Validation is just the bee’s knees. 🙂

She also said that by surrounding myself with healthy relationships, I’m seeing the unhealthy patterns more clearly now. And in her words, “People come into our lives for a season. You’re just moving on faster than they would like. And that’s great. You know what you want & you’re searching for it.”

So that totally explains why I’m fed up with bullshit & why I’m just dropping dead relationships like flies. I want to be around like-minded people. People who aren’t assholes & who trying to better themselves. Not those who are stuck on the carousel ride & are wondering why they’re not riding off into the sunset with their porcelain horse.

She warned me that some decisions might be difficult in the short term but it’ll pay off in the long term. Boy, was she right. I’ve made a few very hard decisions today. I knew I wasn’t gonna win any friends but goddamn. This really sucks. Eye on the prize, SC.

After therapy, I immediately went to a bar I trusted (important factor, seeing how I was alone) & got 2 vodka sodas. It helped calm my nerves. It was then when I gave tough love to Friend #1. Seems like it went over well.

Okay, next person.

Friend #2 I had to comfort but I wasn’t sugar coating it. I mean, I’m not a dick but I’m also not gonna spend forever telling you what you already know, y’know? That worked as well. Both Friends #1 & #2 ended on a happy note.

Then, I took a bath. I needed to do some quiet thinking before I approached Friend #3. This was gonna be painful.

And it was.

Thankfully, it was over text so I could sniffle & sob without doing that in person. I don’t like crying in front of others. This wasn’t like we were saying our goodbyes or anything. More like having to address the wretched elephant in the room & make a decision that benefits both of us. Neither one of us are fans but it’s a temporary decision & it’ll pay off in the long term. How temporary? I don’t know. Ball’s in their court. Could be a week, could be a month, could be a year. It’s the unknown that gets me.

Today was a bittersweet day. On a scale of 1-10, I’d give it a 2. I made some progress & I know it’ll be good. But for now? I hate it.

It’s not my job to rescue you. Sigh. I need this reminder.

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And because I’m feeling this poem today…

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