Roller coaster

Hey… I know I’ve been quiet. TBH, I’ve stared at a blank screen for a while before I decide to shut down & walk away. I’m not even sure what to talk to you about. Not that I’m bored with you, because I’m not at all. More like… I’m not sure where to go from here. So today’s post might be “off.” Actually, that might be true for the next few posts. I’m just gonna talk to you about what’s on my heart & where I’m at in various areas of my life. 

Someone get me off this ride.

I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster for a while. This isn’t fun anymore. Now, I’m nauseated & annoyed. I’m no longer throwing my hands up in the air & screaming & laughing. I’m closing my eyes & trying to center myself before I vomit (words or otherwise).

In short, I’m over it.

There are some things in my life that I feel like I’m too old for. I don’t believe that I am “old” (I’m only 36. C’mon now.) but more like I’ve grown out of it. Don’t get me wrong – I still laugh at poop jokes & make plenty of “that’s what she said” jokes. 😉 But there are some people, places, ideas, emotions that I’m over. And I’m not sure why I can’t hop off this ride.

Same, Michael. Same.

It’s like I can’t escape from it. I’m stuck.

There are people in my life who are swirling around the drain. I can see the long term damage but they just ignore it. It’s hard for me to watch happen & even harder to not want to help them. Especially when I still get messages from them that are like, “Help me.”

Or the friends who bitch about their jobs but don’t want to change but want me to be available to listen to them bitch & moan. Lucky me. Or the ones who are out partying all the time & wonder why their bosses aren’t happy with their performance. Or the Negative Nancys who want to just pop my bubble.

Why is it so hard for me to be separated from them? Go. Do your life. Make your fucked up decisions. Just stop calling me about it & asking me what to do.

I know I’ve touched on this subject before. It’s just something I see A LOT lately & it’s emotionally exhausting. I’m bringing it up now because it’s actually gotten to the point now where I’m physically exhausted or getting nauseated. It’s stressing me out. I’m tired of the loop-de-loops & the non-stop ups & downs. I need stability. Consistency. Dependability.

I need people who have their shit together. I mean, I’m human. We all have off days & times when we just fail hard but that isn’t their character. It’s those who create a pattern or drama or trouble that I’m trying to distance myself from. Last minute changes caused by last minute “emergencies” & no effort to make a real change for the future. That shit needs to go.

I’m tired of half-assed relationships of every sort. I think I just need to start being brutally honest & bowing out because this drama-filled ride is making me sick.

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