OCD is a bitch

My mental illness is not a party joke.

“OMG, I like things so clean! It’s my OCD showing!”

Really, bitch? So you know what it’s like to be tortured with your thoughts that never fucking shut off? And how they get louder & louder until you deal with them? And how you can’t rest because the one area you can control is out of control? And how it NEVER STOPS?!

Didn’t fucking think so.

The phrase you’re looking for is “anal-retentive.” Educate yourself, for fuck’s sake.

The past few days have been little annoyances, like pesky mosquitos, that have been really irritating me. First, I saw this Jewish comic:

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The joke is that you super clean your house for Pesach/Passover. But this shit pissed me off. We don’t joke about cancer or people who are physically handicapped. You wouldn’t joke about mental illness if you knew the struggles.

Then, a family member mocked me when she saw my labeled files & laughed while she asked if something was “allowed” to be put somewhere else. Yeah, this kept me up at night for a few days until I put it in order but go ahead & laugh. I’m glad this hell I’m in amuses you.

I remembered my mom, being the bitch that she is, purposely buying mismatched glasses. She bought them to make fun of me. “Look, SC! They don’t match! What are you gonna do?” She laughed & laughed. When I didn’t laugh, I was told to “lighten up” & “get a sense of humor.” I was being “too serious” & “emotional.” I guess I was supposed to brush it off & pretend that it wasn’t an attack against me. I mean, it’s not like she went to the store, picked out a fucked up set, bought it, & pointed it out to me to trigger a reaction, right?

OH WAIT

I had an instance last night that I don’t wanna go into. Everything quickly unraveled. I had to walk away (literally). I went outside & walked around the block. I was shaking & my hands felt tight. My head & chest hurt. I wanted to scream.

My life is not a fucking joke. This is a legit issue that I struggle with every goddamn day. There is no cure – only management. And you know what? It would be hella easier to manage if people took it as seriously as I do.

Want to read more on it? Go here.

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