I’m here

I think these Israeli girls on the right are a perfect representation of my soul right now lol

Hey…

I know I’ve been AWOL. The short version is I’ve been sick & busy & can’t seem to focus. I feel like I have the attention span of a sick gnat.

Long version?

HEALTH:

I’ve had good days, bad days, & pretty much everything in between. I still have this lingering cough which is a huge pain in my ass. I feel like I have the lung capacity of an 8-year-old. A fat 8-year-old with serious health issues. And one lung. πŸ˜‰

And because I’ve had throat & chest pain from this cough, my energy hasn’t been as strong as I would’ve liked. Add to that, I was on my period so I had a few days of feeling like shit (physically & mentally). I’m doing better now, though, which is good. I did get an extra massage to help with the aches so I could teach. That seemed to be smart on my end, so go me!

SLEEP:

My sleep is still fucked up, like last night when I was wide awake until 0300. God knows why. And then my alarm goes off at 0645. My FitBit looks like a fucking bar code. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while now. And it’s showing. Like I’m running into walls & shit. I swear to God, I’m not drunk. Just exhausted.

I have been going to the gym & I even went to yoga last week. But for the past 2 days, I’ve opted for sleep. I’ll take a short nap in the morning to help me get through the day. Again, I know this is due to my sleep being really, really rough. Which is also due to me waking up & coughing so much.

For the love, someone get me off this carousel.

…Anyway…

I’ve been wanting to talk to you & get this all out but I can feel how sluggish my mind is right now. It’s like running in a pool. And when it takes a shitload of energy to focus & do my job(s), self-care falls on the back burner. Just how it is, right?

So today’s post isn’t that amazing but at least you know I’m still here. I do have a few topics I wanted to talk to you about but I can’t do that right now. I have a list of other, more pressing shit to do.

I am a little discouraged but I’m trying my best to push on & not let it drag me down into the abyss. Sigh. This is the side of depression no one really notices. The side where you’re not 100% but you’re not 0% either. You’re just…there.

Thank you for sticking around during this craziness. πŸ™‚

Yep. This is exactly where I am.

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