Pushed

I know, I know. I’ve been AWOL. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit recently. I’m here now & I’m gonna be posting more often. Possibly multiple posts a day. I’ve been busy with work (all 3, actually) & at the same time, working on me & my relationships with others. And maybe later I’ll get into all of that. Right now, though, I’m pissed & I need to work this out before I do something I’ll regret.

You ready? Here we go:

Un-fucking-believable. I’m literally speechless. I’ve been sitting here shaking my head with my mouth hung open for a while.

It blows my mind how fucking clueless people can be. I have this friend & for the past few months, they’ve been hellbent on pushing me out of their life. I’m seriously the only one who is left standing when everyone else has bailed. Including their SO. But I’ve been here because that’s the kind of friend I am. I’ve given my blood, sweat, & tears for them. I’ve loaned money, given precious time, been a shoulder to cry on. Anything & everything they could ever need, I’ve done it.

*chuckles to self & then sighs*

But I’m done. Right now, I’m honestly not sure if we’re even friends at this point. I’ve so fucking hurt & upset & they don’t seem to be fazed.

“Have you told them?”

Oh, ad nauseam. They’re not blind to how I feel. I’ve spelled it out plainly that a 4-year-old would get it. Repeatedly. I don’t play games. I say what I mean. Still, no change.

“What do you need?”

Some goddamn respect would be great & to not be treated as an option. I feel like my friendship has been taken advantage of because “SC is always there. I can depend on her. It doesn’t matter what happens.”

I’ve been the only one who’s been pursuing our friendship, the only one who is trying to work through our differences like fucking adults. But they don’t want to do that. They dodge my calls, tell me they’re busy or they don’t want to talk about it, & then wonder why I’m being “dramatic.”

Bitch, I’m dramatic because you fucking pushed me here.

I’ve been patient & understanding. I’ve forgiven them multiple times. I’ve tried to move forward but they keep pushing me back. One step forward, two steps back. Every. Single. Time.

I’m not gonna beg to keep them in my life. I’m worth it or I’m not. I told them that I’m done. I’m done talking. I’m done fighting for us. I’m done caring when they clearly don’t. I’m not some friendship “side piece” to keep around when it’s convenient for them. I have my own needs, wants, & desires. Bitch, I’m fucking fabulous & you will never meet anyone who loves & cares for you as deeply as I do.

You wanna be alone? Fine. Be alone. Maybe then you’ll realize everything I did for you.

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