Walking away

I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. It’s nothing personal. I’ve been so swamped at work that nothing else has been getting done. :/ But I do have some time now, so let me get you caught up with what’s in my mind.

I’ve noticed this trend happening in not only my life but some of my friends’ lives as well. Where’s the line between forgiveness & stupidity? How many times do you forgive someone for making the same mistake? When does grace run out?

For one friend, it was when the police showed up. For another, it was when she was trying to covering up her bruises with makeup & long sleeves. For another, it was when his wife left.

For me, I think it’s now.

I make myself readily available to anyone who needs me because I know what it’s like to feel alone & broken. I drop everything & give my all. But it isn’t appreciated. My needs are still pushed off. There’s always some excuse, some reason why my desires aren’t important right now. I’ve been told everything from “soon” to “later” to “next week” but there is no follow through. These are just words said to appease me, to keep me on hold in hopes that I stick around.

I feel like a fool. I’ve tried over & over to be patient, to be loving, to be understanding. I’m the only one here for them. Everyone else is gone. Instead of being here with me, they’re focused on chasing ghosts.

Sigh.

I don’t feel important. I don’t feel needed. I don’t feel wanted. They claim they need me in their lives but their actions say otherwise. It makes me think of this Rick & Morty line, “You don’t miss me. You just miss the person who loved you so much, you didn’t have to love them back.”

I even told them I had one foot out the door to stress my seriousness. And yet, they don’t bother to chase me or to make amends or to make any positive changes. Instead, they canceled our plans.

I guess it’s my time to go. I don’t get it but whatever. This is their decision.

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