I’ve been stupid stressed all day.
My chest was starting to hurt early this morning so I took a Klonopin. I was already drinking a Bang so I’m not sure if either one worked as well as I wanted.
I’ve been clenching my jaw as well so that hurts, too.
I hate this.
I’m stressed over one of my relationships. I don’t know how to make my feelings more clear. I’ve said repeatedly how I feel & what I need to feel better. Nothing has happened. I feel blown off, unimportant. “Soon,” “we’ll see,” “not now,” “later.” That’s all I’m hearing. Nothing that says, “Let me put the world on hold & just focus on you for a few minutes.”
I don’t know what to do & I’m on the edge of giving up. I don’t feel like I’m asking for a lot. I just want to take like 15-20 minutes to talk through some things, work them out, & come up with a plan. Am I not worth that? Am I not worth carving out some time? I’ve offered to meet somewhere, pay for lunch, drive, whatever. And it keeps getting pushed off. And if I’m being honest, I’m starting to feel a little used. 😦
I’m really fucking hurt here. I ran some errands & cried the whole way home. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why that is such a huge request. Is it so terrible that I want things to be good between us? There’s still this distance there & anytime I bring it up, I get told, “I don’t want to talk about this now.” What am I doing wrong?
Maybe they’re just in a funk. Maybe it has nothing to do with me. Maybe they’re just stressed too &, lucky me, I’m taking the brunt of it.
I honestly don’t know what to say or do.
Do I take this as a sign & walk away? Would they chase after me? Would they miss me at all? Would they make an effort?
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