Unknown

So I’ve talked to the BFF since we had our huge fight. Before, we would joke that on a happy scale of 1-10, we were at 9.7, because 10’s unrealistic. 😉 That night, we both hit zero. They’re at a 6 right now & I’ve been at a 3 but I’m sinking into a 2.

I’ve tried repeatedly to reach out & work through things. I’ve sent messages, emails, & little voice/video clips. I’ve poured my heart out along with my tears. I know how I am. I need to talk it out & hear their side. I want us to come up with a solution & to work towards it. As I described it in my email, I feel like I was caught in an emotional flashbang. I’m completely disoriented. I’m just stunned & I’m unable to move forward. I need them to make the first move. I don’t know what that move is but SOMETHING needs to be done. The longer nothing happens, the more painful it is.

They say we’re gonna be fine & we’ll get through this. I don’t want to be negative but, as of now, I don’t see how. I’m really hurt & so far, there’s been no reconciliation. I’ve asked if we could talk about it & I’ve been told: “not now.” If I’m not important enough to take time out of your day to talk this out, then how are we gonna be okay? And I really do get it. They have a very stressful job & they’re down a few staff members so that adds to it. So if they say they’re busy, they really are. I get that.

But why is there always time for other people & other things but not for me?

Sigh.

I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I’ve exhausted all of my options. Now it’s just waiting in the unknown…

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