I’m feeling a little better today. I had a few unsettling dreams but nothing I couldn’t handle (I’m usually a lucid dreamer).
I’ve been dreaming a lot lately of being in my childhood home & fighting with my parents. It’s weird because I’m my 35-year-old self but in my 15-year-old self’s room. I see a stack of CDs I used to listen to. They’re organized next to my CD player that’s on top of my dresser. I have trophies, tchotchkes, & pictures of me with my friends all proudly & neatly displayed on my desk. My closet is full of old dance costumes & a few favorite outfits. I even checked to see if I still had the dry erase board on the back of my bedroom door. I did. 🙂
But my nostalgia doesn’t last too long. After a few minutes, my parents show up & are pissed at me about something. I instantly fume because I know I’ve done nothing wrong & I’m sick of the injustice, prejudice, & the abuse. Just like in real life, if something happened, I was immediately to blame. It got real old real fast.
But then my mind reminds me that I’m not stuck in that house & I can leave. The dream usually ends with me trying to pack &/or escape while my parents are losing their shit. Every time, I’m trying to leave without them noticing so that I don’t have to deal with that bullshit or the drama.
I’m not sure why I’ve been dreaming this again. It’s almost as if living through it once wasn’t enough. 😏 I guess I still have some issues to work through. Or maybe it’s a reflection for how I feel now? I don’t know. Sometimes, I wake up with chest pains. Other times, I wake up & it’s like nothing happened. Today is the latter. 🙂
I found this post & it hit me hard. Somebody else gets it.