I give up.
I’m tired of this life. I’m constantly being told to wait when I’m on the edge and I want to jump. Why the fuck am I waiting? Why am I putting my desires on hold for them? Why haven’t I just jumped?
No one takes me seriously nor do I feel important to them. I feel like a passing thought in their mind. “Oh, SC. Right.”
I just wanted to be someone’s first choice but that doesn’t look like it’ll ever happen. No, I was told tonight I had to play “second fiddle.” On top of other deeply painful issues that popped up tonight, that was pretty much it for me. Yet another reminder that I’m not good enough. There’s no hope for me. Only pain and rejection.
And so, I’m starting to say goodbye. I started on FB tonight. I’ve lost so many friends on FB that it only seems appropriate to start there. I doubt anyone will notice.
I’ll still be here & will continue posting for a while. I imagine this will be the last place that will go.
I’m releasing others from any future plans with me. I’m tired of being disappointed and let down by convenient “situations” so I’m done with that as well. It always seems like such a burden to get together and I’m tired of that rejection. I’m always the one that makes the plans & then I’m left standing alone. No one seems to think of me or be interested in my company.
I haven’t decided when or how. All I know is that I’m done. I’m tired of feeling invisible & fighting for some small bit of attention. So fuck it and fuck them.
I hope it burns when they realize how fucking hard I tried only to be turned away. I hope my memory & their rejection sears in their minds for all eternity. I hope they’re so fucking full of regret that they never treat another person as they’ve treated me.
I tried so fucking hard. I gave everything I had. EVERYTHING. My mind, my body, my heart, and my soul. None of it mattered. None of it was good enough. None of it was treated with care or respect.
So goodbye. I can’t win so I’m done fighting. I’m letting the current take me away.
This is what I posted on FB