As I’ve mentioned before, I haven’t really been eating. It’s been like this for about 2 months now. I just don’t have an appetite. And food, like this picture, looks disgusting to me. Not just because it’s junk food. I’ve had to toss produce because it went bad in my fridge. I don’t wanna eat because I’m not hungry. And when I do eat, I feel sick. It’s definitely anxiety-related.
I’m averaging about 1.5 meals a day. On Saturday, I had 2 meals & that was weird. Like I felt sick from “eating so much” (when I really didn’t eat that much at all). I don’t know anatomy as much as I would like to (so I’m not sure if this is even possible) but did my stomach shrink? Is that why? Can that even happen? Can organs shrink? Who knows.
Take today for example:
I was supposed to meet someone for lunch & that fell through. I was upset & so I wasn’t hungry but I decided I should eat anyway to give my mind something to work with. At least this way it could help combat the brain fog, right? I took myself out for sushi, which is what I’ve been craving lately. No idea why but I can’t seem to get enough. I had a small bowl of egg drop soup & only 5 pieces of a spicy tuna roll. I didn’t even finish the roll. I was stuffed & felt like I could throw up if I ate anymore. And then tonight, I had a handful of pretzels.
As of this morning, I’m down 17 lbs in 8 weeks. If I didn’t drink on the weekends, I’m sure it would be more. I’m honestly happy about my weight loss because I need to lose it anyway. I know it’s not the “healthy” way to do it but how else would you do it if you lost your appetite? It’s not like I’m purposely starving myself & working hours & hours in the gym. I don’t even have the energy or the willpower to go to the gym.
I’m just not interested in food. It makes sense though. My interest in a lot of things has dropped off. I feel lost & alone out here. Why would I eat? What’s the point? It all seems futile to me.
I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately