Spoonfed

I’m sorry I’ve been quiet for the last week. It’s been a crazy busy time. I’m still here & I’m still adjusting to new meds. I feel like I’m getting a little better every day which is good. Definitely not 100% but I’m on the right path. 🙂

I was thinking about my annoyances with certain people. I told you how I’m just moving on & I’m not bothering with those who are AWOL. With most of them, if I stop communication (& I have), then that’s it. I doubt they’ve even noticed. I’m becoming less stressed since I’m not dealing with them anymore. My full attention is on my true friends, the ones who have proved that they really do love me & care for me. Quality over quantity, right?

But with a few others, the knife cuts a little deeper. It’s almost as if their ignorance would be less painful. After all, ignorance is bliss. No, with these chosen few, there’s this certain air about them. They know what’s going on but they don’t genuinely care. Or if they do, they want me to spoonfeed them information or updates, which isn’t going to happen. It’s not my job to be their relationship tutor.

And I think that’s what’s really been hitting me lately. It’s exhausting having to constantly give others bite-sized tidbits of my life. Nothing of real substance. Tiny morsels to satisfy their appetite & curiosity while giving me nothing in return. No love, no support, nothing to reciprocate. I usually just get, “That sucks” or “I’m sorry” before they talk about themselves. Or, ugh, even worse? Do that annoying sucking air through their teeth while their face is scrunched up. God, I fucking hate that. Is there anything more superficial than that?

It is interesting how I’ve noticed this shift. By backing away, the ones who are fake have disappeared & faded into the background. Now, I’m dealing with the emotional leeches. Those who have tried to suck me dry of my support & resources. I’m sure it’s a process to break free of their grip but I will soon enough. It’s not healthy & I’m over it.