A million reasons

I’ve tried to reach out to a few within the last 12 or so hours. Because, yes, it’s that bad. I ask for a reason to stay. Just one good, specific reason why I’m needed.

I can’t get one.

Instead, I get the generic, “Oh, I can think of a million reasons why I need you!” Funny how you can think of SO MANY but you can list out one. One fucking reason why I should stay on this Godforsaken planet. Something that’s specific to me.

Just. One. Reason. Something to give me hope. Something to save me from drowning. Something that tells me I’m worth it. Something. Anything.

It just reaffirms that I’m no longer needed. My time is done. I have this eerie calm about it. I’m trying to make amends & let people know they’re loved. I want to release everyone & let them know I’m not mad. It’s okay. I forgive them all & I wish them all the best. I don’t know how long it will take but I will make sure they feel loved, accepted, & wanted.

You know. The opposite of how I feel…

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2 Replies to “A million reasons”

  1. Sarah,
    I have always looked up to you. You are such an inspiration to me. I am so envious of your natural beauty. I love how much you care that you ache for others. I love how you continue to learn about things and when you have belief you believe it so whole heartedly. If there’s something you don’t understand you do the research to try to understand it. You are constantly trying and continuing to grow. I’m in awe of how honest and raw you have been putting yourself out there with your blog posts.
    You and I have an odd relationship I would say because I can’t pinpoint when we became friends or even how we friends we just did. You are such a beautiful soul. You are raising two beautiful little people and that is beyond incredible. They are so naturally kind and silly just like you.
    This world is such a shit show all the time. I have said to Cy on more than one occasion if I can be half the person Sarah is I’d be more than happy with it. You have a way of balancing everything work, kids, husband and friends. You have always given me the best advice.
    I know we have drifted apart but I read each of your post every time you post it. I am still admiring you. I support your decision to seek help outside of the blog though as well. There are trained professions available to help you. I can’t imagine this world without you in. Hugs.

    Like

    1. Wow. Just…wow…

      So I totally bawled when I read your sweet words. I’m overwhelmed by your kindness. I can’t tell you how much this meant to me & how much you mean to me. I’m grateful for our friendship & for your heart. ❤

      Like

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