I’ve tried to reach out to a few within the last 12 or so hours. Because, yes, it’s that bad. I ask for a reason to stay. Just one good, specific reason why I’m needed.
I can’t get one.
Instead, I get the generic, “Oh, I can think of a million reasons why I need you!” Funny how you can think of SO MANY but you can list out one. One fucking reason why I should stay on this Godforsaken planet. Something that’s specific to me.
Just. One. Reason. Something to give me hope. Something to save me from drowning. Something that tells me I’m worth it. Something. Anything.
It just reaffirms that I’m no longer needed. My time is done. I have this eerie calm about it. I’m trying to make amends & let people know they’re loved. I want to release everyone & let them know I’m not mad. It’s okay. I forgive them all & I wish them all the best. I don’t know how long it will take but I will make sure they feel loved, accepted, & wanted.
You know. The opposite of how I feel…