One step forward, two steps back

Yesterday was a little better. I thought I was starting to feel better like I had turned a corner. I wasn’t feeling very suicidal & was actually feeling, dare I say it, slightly hopeful. Maybe things would turn out beautifully. Maybe things would change.

But depression is a back-stabbing bitch.

Today? Ha!

Today, I feel terrible, miserable, & hopeless.

I’m currently in the middle of a panic attack. I took a Xanax & it’s still going on as I’m typing this. It’s like a low boil versus a rolling boil. I’m hyperventilating, shaking, I can’t feel my hands (tingly), dizzy, nauseated, & it hurts to breathe. My vision is fucking up (blurry & tunnel vision) & dyslexia has kicked in. My chest feels like it’s crushing in.

I fucking hate this.

I hate my life. I want to die.


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