I can’t

I’m on day 5 of hell.

I can’t do this anymore. How could someone act so cold? I shared my dreams, my hopes, & my fears with them. They know me intimately. Yes, there were issues but I thought we were working on them. How could they just drop me & immediately move on? As if I never existed. As if I never mattered. Was that all I was – a temporary solution?

I know I’m being clingy but I’m so scared.

I don’t want to live.

What is wrong with me? Why does this keep happening? I’m trying to be a good person. And yet, they always scatter away. What have I done wrong? What is so repellent about me?

It feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

I’ve never been cut so deeply. I’m not sleeping, not eating. I’m crying & vomiting.

I can’t handle this. And there’s no one, NO ONE, I can talk to about this.

I hate this. With every fiber of my being, I hate this. I don’t want to live anymore. I can’t. I can’t pretend everything is okay. I can’t be super supportive. I’ve been downgraded, pushed aside, discarded.

I can’t do this anymore.

I cut myself. And in their words, “I’m not sorry.”

I hate this life…

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One Reply to “I can’t”

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