Confronting My Issues: Forgiveness

Forgiving others is something I’ve been working on my whole life. I don’t believe we’re ever done with it. It’s an on-going process that requires deliberate action. As a powerful reminder, a few years ago I tattooed “נמחלתי” on my inner right wrist. I can look down at it & remind myself that I’ve been forgiven so I should forgive others.

I should clarify: forgiveness isn’t the same as being a doormat. I can forgive you for being a complete asshole, but if that’s your character, we’re not gonna be friends. We’re all human & we all fuck up. The issue, for me, is waiting to see if someone changes their wronged behavior or not. And sometimes, people do. They see their error & they work hard to make it right. I have all the grace in the world for them. They’re trying.

But then there are those who don’t. They say, “I’m sorry,” like it’s supposed to be the catch-all for their lack of discipline. They sprinkle it in during a conversation, hoping the one they offended will let them off the hook. I, for one, will let that shit slide ONCE. Anything more than once is disrespectful & rude. Employers wouldn’t let you get away with being 20 minutes late all the time or biting someone’s head off, so what makes you think I will?

Like I said, everyone fucks up. I get it. But I’m done being used, dumped on, walked on, glossed over, & expected to be okay with it. “That’s just how she is.” Well, she’s a bitch. “You just have to get to know him.” I don’t want to. “She’s just a kid.” I guarantee she can’t get away with that behavior at school. “He doesn’t know any better.” The fuck he doesn’t. That excuse works for babies. But a 10-year-old? No, he knows.

What makes them think that behavior is acceptable?

That’s not to say I don’t care for them because I do. Even my own family I have to keep at a distance because their erratic behavior is painful. I’ve learned some people will never change or see how destructive they truly are. For my own healing & peace, sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is walk away. And for those people, I have. I wish them well & pray they continue to grow as a person but do it without me.

The issue for me is to forgive others but to not lash out at them in revenge. Especially when it’s in regards to my reputation. I bite my tongue, let the tears roll down, & hope my character will clear my name. With one particular issue, I’ve been waiting years. YEARS.

Sigh. Someday, integrity will matter.

To me, it’s very simple. Treat others the way you want to be treated. That’s all. And when you fuck up? Admit it & ask for forgiveness. Then do your best to be a better person. ❤