♪ Money makes the world go ’round! ♪

I’m trying to be smart with my finances but I have a confession: I’ve bought A LOT lately. I think it’s just that time of the year. Recitals, Graduations, & heading into summer. I don’t know about you but I find myself somehow running out of items or things are crapping out right about now.

At least, that’s how it started…

If I’m being REALLY honest, I lost self-control. I’m not a shopper usually. It bores me & I feel like my time is worth more than wandering aimlessly in a store or a mall. But this is Amazon. A quick search or two & I can find something I like with free two-day shipping! 🙂

I know what’s going on. I’m subconsciously substituting one addiction for another. The underlining behavior or habit is the same even if the method is different. If nothing else, I recognize this pattern & I’m catching it early. I’m upset so I’m shopping. I’m bored so I’m shopping. I’m feeling good so I’m shopping. All things I would naturally do with food.

Okay, SC. You need to deal with these issues now. Food, shopping, alcohol, whatever will not silence them. They will only grow bigger & get louder. Face your fears head-on. 

It was a struggle for me to not spend a dime yesterday. It was just one day. ONE. DAY. That is very revealing to me. I used to do that all the time with ease & it was second nature. Now that I’m trying to deal with these demons, it’s becoming an issue that requires my attention. I guess the silver lining is that I’m not spending gobs of money in one shot. But $20 here, $10 there adds up.

So what’s going on with me?

Real talk? A lot. And I’ve been avoiding it or stuffing it down.

• I’m stressed with Job #2 & I feel like I’m completely in the dark. I have parents asking me questions about next year & I can’t answer them. They don’t like it either.
• I have an interview on Fri for Job #3. I’m nervous she won’t like me or it won’t work out. Why? Because depression & anxiety are bitches like that. And why am I adding another job? Because I think I’ll be really happy there & it’ll help with my creative outlet that feels a little squished at Job #2.
• I had to buy a few newer tops for the summer because nothing fits from last year or I don’t like the way it fits. Yippee.
• Because I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really connected with my friends. I feel out of the loop & I’m scared they might be mad at me for my silence.
• And I haven’t gone to the gym or yoga. I feel weak & out of sorts.

Basically, I feel isolated professionally & socially. I hate it. 😦

I can’t afford to self-medicate with Amazon. It’s time to deal with my fears & take a step forward.

Wish me luck.