I’ve dreamt a lot in the past few nights about my friend. And they’ve all ended up the same – painful rejection. Much like this little boy, I’m on the outside & all alone.
Last night, I dreamt I was in this shitty black Grand Prix that was way too small for me. I had Les Mis playing on the shitty CD player & I was in the car with a couple of others (CC & AS – who both know this friend in question). No surprise that this car was breaking down & I needed to find some kind of gas station. CC & AS are both “gear heads” & told me to drive up to this station/house & they would take care of it. I had to pee so I was fine with that.
It was a hot summer day & I had on a bikini but it was covered with a flowy tank, jeans, & boots. Not sure why I was wearing this much but these details are important later. I went inside this gas station/house & found a bathroom. Friend’s younger brother (Kyle) was in the stall next to me (coed bathrooms, I guess) & was complaining of stomach pain. I looked inside my purse & handed him Tums or something. I finished up & when I was leaving, I saw the friend standing there.
I stood there for a second stunned. I didn’t know what to say. Was I allowed to say anything to him? I decided, “Fuck it. Life’s too short” & I told him, “I miss talking to you.” He kinda nodded along like he understood & then he whispered, “You need to leave.” I sunk my head down & quietly walked out. This was his decision & I needed to respect it.
On the way out, I ran into an all-girls volleyball team which apparently his wife was on? She pushed me out of the way. She & her squad were not having it. “Why are you here?” Um, I’m using the bathroom & I’m on my way out. Calm your tits, woman. “Whatever. Just keep your distance.” One of her friends scanned me up & down & made some comment about how I was dressed like a whore & who knows what I was REALLY just doing.
Wife went into the room & reamed into Friend, accusing me of taking care of Kyle just to get close to him. I could hear her yelling at him & both of them fighting as I quickly walked out. I fought back the tears & got into my car. I turned the car on & Empty Chairs at Empty Tables starting playing. I put my hands on my steering wheel & wept as I drove away.
I woke up shortly after.
See? My subconscious is a dick.
finding my truth 