The downside of being an efficient cleaner

I’m feeling like a failure again.

I skipped yoga today. I actually went back to bed & slept for about 3 more hours. I’m absolutely exhausted & worn out. Yes, I slept fine last night. Just hypersomnia again. I’ve been yawning all day since I got up.

I forced myself to take a shower to help keep me awake & to get my mood rolling in a more positive direction. Then I pushed myself to make my bed.

Don’t crawl back in, SC. Push through this day. You can do it.

I’ve been ultra stressed over my teaching job. My job is secure so it’s not that. I’ll do my best to explain what’s going on. It sounds like my boss is already looking at setting up the schedule for next year (but I’m not supposed to know this yet). For the past few years, she’s tried to push me into teaching a bunch of lower level classes when I specifically requested higher level classes. She’ll give me like 2 classes I want & then add on others I don’t want. It’s all wrapped together & presented under the guise of, “But you’re so good at these classes!” Uh huh. Here’s what I hear, “I don’t trust you with the levels you’ve proven yourself at. And I want you to teach this class until I find someone better.”

I feel like her dance Band-Aid – a temporary fix until she can find someone else to come in & take over. I’m a fantastic cleaner. I can come in, assess the level, make corrections, & bring them up in their skills. The issue is that other people know this. This isn’t the first time I’ve had a boss take a class I’ve “fixed” & given it to someone else. Instead of being rewarded with classes I’d like, I’m given a bunch of shitheads to fix. Then once they’re decent, they’re given to other teachers.

That’s exhausting & disrespectful.

So yeah. I’m a bit stressed just thinking about next year’s schedule. I know, I know. It’s not for another 4 months. But I can’t go through this cycle again. I’m either worth it or I’m not. And right now, I’m feeling like I’m not…

This. A thousand times this.