Trying

I really am trying to climb this mountain.

I went to bed early & got a good amount of sleep (7.5 hours). I had some weird dreams but no nightmares. I went to yoga this morning & pushed myself. I drank water & I’m currently drinking some tea. I loved on one of my favorite people until she laughed with delight.

Nothing seems to be working. It still hurts.

I feel like I need to cry but there’s nothing there. I’m empty. I have nothing left to give.

During the final stretches of yoga & into savasana, I laid there wondering why I’m here. What am I doing? I don’t feel understood or acknowledged. I feel like I’m going through the motions. And for what? Is there any purpose in it? Is this just a vain attempt to keep my mind busy? Because if so, it’s not working.

I’m pouring myself into a bunch of little projects & taking on a little bit more at work. I’m operating under the belief of “busy hands, busy mind.” Unfortunately, my mind is still spiraling downward. Am I grasping at straws at this point? Should I stop & let the current take me away? Why do I keep fighting? Is it even worth it?

Sigh.

I’m taking this day a little bit at a time. I’m trying to stay focused & on task for a measly 15 minutes. If I can see the end in sight, maybe I won’t give up so easily? It’s a theory I’m working out.

I guess I’ll keep trying…