For about 18 months, I’ve dreamt the same theme 4-5 nights a week. Yes, it gets old. Even more so, it’s exhausting. As a lucid dreamer, I should be able to correct it & move on. “Should” being the operative word. But for some reason, I’m absolutely paralyzed by it.
So what am I dreaming?
I’ve dreamt about trying to get home. Sometimes I’m at some airport & my flight was canceled or delayed. Sometimes I’m rerouted to a new city or country. In other dreams, I’m trying to find a new apartment because I can’t get to mine. Still others, I’m in my childhood home but my current age. So 35-year-old me in 15-year-old me’s room. It’s very bizarre.
Regardless of the stage, the performance is the same. I feel trapped, out of control, & I can’t get home. I wake up exhausted, overwhelmed, & sometimes, with deep chest pains.
At least I know what it means. It’s obvious, isn’t it? My mind is trying to get back to the comfortable, familiar, & where I feel safe. My subconscious is very telling. My mind is like a vase with hairline cracks. Things can appear to be fine & dandy on the outside but the truth is seeping out in my dreams. I’m afraid my mind will crack & I’ll be trapped forever.
Ugh. That’s painful to admit.
Advantage of typing this out? I take a few minutes to compose myself before I continue. Okay, here we go:
There has been an interesting change lately. When I’m in my childhood home, I find myself sorting through my old things & pitching things out. Items I once loved, I no longer desire. It’s safe to let them go. I’m decluttering my past. It’s clear to me that this new change is due to a change of my mind. It’s showing me that I’m healing. I’m starting to go through old scars & painful remnants, removing the debris, & allowing these wounds to be fully cleaned out so that I can properly heal.
I don’t know if this is due to affirmations, changes in my life, medication, or all of the above. I know healing is a process & the fact it’s starting to show up in my dreams gives me hope. It’s only a matter of time before it starts to show up in my life. 🙂