Okay, so today’s post isn’t about the iconic Salt N’ Pepa & how they rocked the 90s. 😉 Today is about being real, honest, & exposing a very personal side of me – my sex life.
Because I’ve found that I have some of the same experiences that other people on medication are having, but no one is talking about it since we all think we’re alone on it.
“Ohh, okay. That makes sense.”
Yeah. Exactly. So let’s shatter that stigma today. 🙂
I’ve been on depression/anxiety meds since Nov 2016. My doctor told me that one of the common side effects is a decreased sex drive to no sex drive. I wasn’t worried about it. I was having panic attacks frequently & feeling very suicidal. At that point, sex was the furthest thing in my mind. I didn’t care if my drive was dead because I wasn’t in “that place,” if that makes sense. It’s hard to get aroused when you want to die, right?
So anyway, my drive was already at 0. Thankfully, I’m in a loving relationship & they understood. I didn’t need an orgasm; I needed a hug & to be told that I was gonna make it. They were, & still are, very patient with me. ❤
It took a few months for the drug to really work & for me to start feeling balanced. The keyword here is “start.” I still don’t feel 100% balanced but I haven’t had an attack nor have I felt suicidal in a while so, yes, it is working & I am making progress. Yay!
“That’s great, SC! Does that mean your drive is back?”
Well, not really. Again, this is a common side effect. It’s not like I don’t get turned on anymore because I do (See? Progress!) but I’m more like, “I could take it or leave it.”
“But you said you’re in a relationship. How does that work?”
Even if I’m not in that mindset, they may be so I make sure their needs are met.
“Oh. Does that work?”
Yeah, it does. It helps to not be with narcissistic assholes whose whole identity is wrapped up in getting you off. 😉
The more I talked to other friends who were medicated, the more I found that we’re all running into this issue. They were feeling guilty & thinking there was something wrong with them for not being turned on, having trouble getting off, or not having any kind of desire. The truth is there’s nothing wrong with them. And if you’re in the same boat as the rest of us, there’s nothing wrong with you, either. This is just the nature of the beast.
Try to not beat yourself up about it & just take it in stride. If you’re in a relationship, maybe try scheduling a time with your lover. It may feel artificial “scheduling sex” but sometimes that helps me. If I know about it beforehand, I can mentally & slowly prepare myself. I end up in a much stronger frame of mind versus if it’s spontaneous. Because if it’s spontaneous, my attitude won’t be as desirable. I know, I know. That sounds like the least sexy thing in the world but I’m happy to make these adjustments & so are they. They know it’s just the drug. The alternative, for me, is a very dark bottomless pit. I’ve had that & I wouldn’t wish that on an enemy. Suddenly, mentally scheduling sex doesn’t sound so bad, does it? 🙂