I was thinking about this morning when I was younger & in dance. I worked hard & moved “up the ladder” during my high school years. It wasn’t too long before I was the big fish in a little pond. To put it bluntly, I thought I was the shit. I was cocky & proud.
I was in for a rude awakening.
It wasn’t until I got out into the “real world” that I realized how little I actually knew. My self-esteem plummeted. This was also a really dark area of my life so my memory of all of it is a blur. That alone should paint you a serious picture of what was going on in my head. Clearly, my mind is trying to protect me.
Back to my story…
I felt this urgency to fix my ignorance. I started researching every area of dance I had even the SLIGHTEST interest in. I took notes, watched other studios’ recitals, bought reputable books, YouTubed to my heart’s content. I took whatever class or course I could & worked on my technique. I taught myself as much as I could. My mind was a sponge & I was gonna soak it in as much dance as I could.
It’s interesting to me to see how my knowledge & experience grew but my self-esteem didn’t move that much. Maybe it just balanced out? I know I don’t suck but I also know I’m not the best. I freely admit that I have a lot to learn & I have plenty of skills I need to work on. It’s hard for me to take compliments & believe when others tell me I’m good at what I do. I tend to look at what needs work & improvement versus what I’ve already accomplished.
I’ve gone from being a cocky rooster to a humble owl. I’ve traded in my bright, eye-catching colors for more simple, neutral ones. Let me blend into the background & do my thing. I prefer to work alone or at night when the world is quiet & peaceful. Let the loud rooster grab others’ attention & judgment there on the ground. Even if I’m flying alone, I’d rather soar up high, gliding with the wind.
Barn owls are my absolute favorite! ❤