Heading towards the light

Late last night, I could tell this episode was starting to break. I’m not sure what the proper terminology is but I think you know what I mean. Much like when you have a fever & you can tell it’s breaking when you start to sweat, I was mentally sweating.

I’m not 100% today but I am feeling a little better. I went to the gym, got dressed, even did my hair & makeup. And those are all huge accomplishments! I have to be careful to not jump right back into everything or I’ll slip down into the abyss. I’m trying to ease back into my day-to-day life & to take my time.

I didn’t feel like I was drowning this time. More like I was treading water. My body is getting tired but I’m hanging on. There are times when it’s really bad, & thankfully, this wasn’t one of those times. I find myself now heading towards the light. I can see the exit & I’m slowly floating over there. I don’t have the energy to swim as if my life depended on it. More like I found some driftwood & I’m letting it carry me downstream. It might take me a little longer to recover but I’m okay with it.

I woke up gasping & in a panic. That’s always fun *side eye*. So, naturally, it felt like my skin was sewn on too tight & my chest was going to implode. I forgot I have kava now so I didn’t take anything at the time. Thankfully, it “cleared up” within an hour or so & I’ve been good ever since. Again, no panic attack this time so there’s my silver lining.

I’m still here, floating downstream. Maybe by tomorrow, I’ll be able to swim back to shore.