An elephant on my chest

From the second I woke up this morning, it’s felt like an elephant is camping out on my chest. Everything is tight, pressured, & my breathing is a little labored. It’s not enough to warrant heavy duty meds (IMHO) so I’m trying to take it easy & use the last bit of kava that I have. Thankfully, I have another bottle coming in tomorrow via Amazon.

I tried emailing my doctor two weeks ago to get Xanax refilled. Alas, she hasn’t replied. She usually replies within a few hours at the latest. I’m not sure why I haven’t heard anything. I know I need to email her again or just call the office but I’m dreading it. How about that – my anxiety is keeping me from getting anti-anxiety meds. Ain’t that fucked up?

I guess I’m scared she’ll be like, “NO!” which is just ridiculous. She’s the one who prescribed them in the first place. But that’s how anxiety works, right? It’s irrational & panic-inducing. Coupled with depression so I feel like I’m not worthy of any form of help.


So until then, my mind is spinning & that elephant is firmly planted on me.

Welcome to my world…

EDIT: I emailed my doctor again. And now we wait.



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