So on my very first post, I mentioned how this blog is my form of therapy. I realized I never explained what the means to you & I do apologize for that. So I’m going to remedy that now. 🙂
Just over a year or so ago, I was having a lot of panic attacks, very depressed, and very suicidal. I felt trapped in my own body. I had recently branched away from a high-controlling “church” (although, I think cult is a better word). I felt like I could breathe for the first time, but without direction, I was stumbling hard. I was used to someone telling me what to believe and say and do, and like a good soldier, I obeyed. I was in that type of environment for many years, being taught that I needed to “push through” and “trust God” and “have faith.” As a Messianic Jew, I do believe in God, but I also believe I needed medication.
So I finally saught a doctor and got some help. In addition to my prescription, I was told I needed an outlet to process my feelings and not to bottle them up. My doctor was concerned for my well-being and recommended a therapist. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of opening up all my dark corners to someone I just met. Like I said, I was lost and felt scattered. At that time of my life, I needed very small steps. And talking to a therapist was a fucking leap.
I told myself I would try a few different outlets to see what would help. Surprisingly, this blog is what’s helping me out the best. 🙂 Who knew, right? In my mind, you & I are at your house on your couch with warm blankets and warm tea. We’re sitting together as I tell you my story and you patiently listen & support me. Now, I don’t know if anyone actually feels that way but that’s how I picture it. This is my form of therapy. Sharing my story and baring my soul to you. ❤