Failing

Today sucked. Being honest, I would cry myself to sleep if I wasn’t so exhausted. I failed all day, so naturally, I feel like this day was a complete waste. Blecch. 

What’s interesting is that I feel like I failed somewhat gracefully. Kinda like when you fall but you quasi-catch yourself & it’s still all awkward. I didn’t fall on my ass but I definitely bruised up my legs, so to speak. 

I got very little done & somehow I’m ending the night with more shit I need to do. How the hell does that happen? Here’s a snapshot of how my day went:

My personal goals for today were a fucking joke. I felt like I took a step forward only to be pushed back two steps. Nothing like starting from zero. Yet again. 

I didn’t make it to the gym. My body is sore (as in worn out) & I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in over a week. At 35, it’s caught up to me faster than when I was 25. Side note: how do insomniacs survive? Fuck. I can tell my reaction times are slower & it’s only been a week. 

Socially, it’s been really quiet. Again, I’m trying to not take things personal but I’m starting to wonder if it’s me. Some of them I’ve tried to reach out to, tried to schedule get-togethers, & wanted to hear all about them & their day. Fucking crickets.

Basically, I felt all day that I couldn’t get ahead. I started this race in last place & that’s where I finished. No matter how hard I tried to push myself, I ran out of stamina, time, & eventually desire. 

I’m trying to not let it get to me. Everyone has off days. I get it. Sometimes you can shake it off & sometimes you can’t. Now is when I try to rally up the little strength I have to hold on until tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be better. But it’s hard to hold on to a “maybe” when all you want to do is give up. 

I could’ve really used a win today. But I didn’t get it. I failed. 

3 Replies to “Failing”

  1. I personally have experienced these days for more than 2-3 years when i was in my childhood, 6th 7th and 8th grade i wanted to be a topper but ended up failing in more than 8 subjects. The feeling of setting a goal and not be able to achieve that is the worst possible situation that a person can get into. It took me years to realize where i was going wrong and what i had to do to get over it. I personally feel at this particular hour of the day you cant do anything, i would feel its better you don’t push yourself too much today. As you have not slept, sleep for a couple of hours, wake up at the time your alarm rings(don’t snooze, failing to wake up at a set time will be the first set back ) then go for a 5 min walk, refresh your mind and then think about what all is need to be done. Chart them out think how it can be done and finish up with the tasks.

    Like

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