God, I love that quote. Don’t you?
I was talking to a gorgeous friend of mine this morning, LL. She’s one of these lucky few who are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. 🙂 I told her I felt ignored by certain friends. It seems as if people only need me when they have concerns in their lives. They rush over to me because they know I’ll listen & offer my help. But rarely do they think to offer to help me or, shit, even ask me how I’m doing. Like a ghost with an unfinished history, I feel like I’m floating in & out through others’ lives, doomed to roam this world until I receive my closure.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the same ol’, same ol’ broken promises.
“I won’t leave you.”
“I understand we have to stick together.”
“You can count on me.”
“I’m always here for you.”
And so on & so on. I don’t believe these people’s hearts are meant to be malicious. I think people get wrapped up in their own drama that once their current issue is resolved, they move on & forget about me.
Oh God, if I had a dollar for every time I heard, “I still care about you! I just forgot!” It’s great to know I left such a lasting impression on you…
And so, I float through life, wandering around until someone else “needs me.” With each interaction lately, I find myself pulling further & further away from others. Maybe I’m not meant to have friends who would treat me as I would with them. Regardless, it’s getting old & it’s a pattern I know too well. Even my conversations with others have gone from deep thought to responding with five words or fewer. Some of them have just dropped off the map. I have no idea what happened. They’re just…gone. And one of my closest friends, LC, said it best – “That’s when I stopped reaching out.” So with some of them, that’s what I’ve done. Why should I keep trying to drink you in when you’re gonna take the water of my friendship & leave me to dehydrate in the desert heat?
Back to my conversation with LL 🙂
She said, “There aren’t many people I’ve found who are givers. Most take much more than they give.” She’s right on the money. I personally feel like I’ve given everything I can & all that’s left is this broken husk of a woman that no one seems to be interested in helping. And so, I’m helping myself. I’m pulling myself up, brushing the dust off, & I push forward on my own. My memory is sharp & I won’t forget this. Not in a bitter sense but more like, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
And for those who have taken so much from me, you’re done. You can learn to give or you can find another friend. But like my friend, LC, I’m done reaching out. There are multiple ways to get a hold of me if I matter that much. And if I don’t, vaya con Dios. We part ways amicably & we move on. No bitterness towards you on my end. I promise. Just be brave, face the situation, & be realistic. If it’s not in the cards for you, tell me so we can say our goodbyes.
Regardless, may you find happiness & love everywhere you go. Life’s too short for this shit.