I wouldn’t say I’ve lost compassion for others. My heart still breaks to watch others (known or unknown) be hurt in any way. After all, we’re all connected, right? While I may not fully grasp their pain, my heart still aches for them.
But lately, as I’ve briefly mentioned, I’ve been focusing on issues in my life. I’ve become so other-focused that my own health has deteriorated. I mean, you already know mentally, but also physically, spiritually, socially, & so on. I’ve known things have been “off” but I wanted some concrete numbers. Or at least, a rough idea of what’s really going on inside my body & mind. I’m a visual-learner so anything I could get my hands on would really help me. I know me & I know what works. 😉
So I took a health assessment at a local pharmacy. Besides certain areas being absolute shit (no shocker there), the stress of it all has “aged” me. I’m 34 but when you consider other factors, my body’s “age” is 42. Whoa. That’s not good. This is supposed to be the “prime of my life” or something, right? So what the hell is going on? Oh. I know. I put ALL my concerns on hold to focus on others & it’s slowly killing me. Fuuuuuuck.
So yeah. Time for some serious changes. Some changes are more obvious & I’ve been a brat & unwilling to grow up. You can’t eat shit, SC, & expect to feel good. Knock it off. Others will be more difficult. Pulling away from toxic family & friends. Telling others no. Prioritizing what’s really important to me & not feeling guilty about it. Spending more time alone to recharge & decompress.
I feel as if I focus on the good, on the changes I want in my life, & less on others & their needs, I should be able to make this transition smoothly. I’ll probably stumble, fuck up, & fall down the rabbit hole a few times. But as long as I get back up again & stay the course, I’ll succeed.
Wish me luck.