Ouch

I’m sorry yesterday’s post was short. I’ll edit it & give you a proper update soon enough.

Yesterday was hard for me. I’ve been feeling like I’m at a crossroads & so I made a very difficult decision. It was a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. Much like this graphic, I feel like I ripped my heart in half. My sleep was shitty & I woke up with chest pains. So I’m quiet & kinda in my head today. I know I made the right decision. I weirdly have peace over it. It still hurts deep inside of me. Seppuku might be less painful.

Here’s my fatal flaw: I care for others & love them tremendously. Wholeheartedly, diving into the deep, ever-lasting cheerleader. I’ve always been like this. I’m not one to brush things off & move on. I’m passionate.

Like an arrow piercing through me, I feel every word said in pain. They know I made a hard decision. They know I wouldn’t do it unless my back was against the wall. They know it was said in love. It still doesn’t make it any easier.

And now, I feel like I’m drifting, floating around. My thoughts are cloudy & I can’t seem to focus without forced effort. But I’ll slap on a smile & act like everything is fine. I’m sure they’re doing the same.