As far back as I can remember, I’ve had more guy friends versus girl friends. I’ve always found girls to be catty & vindictive. I don’t play their mind games & I don’t like the backhanded compliments. Of course, not all girls are like this, but I kept running into this issue over & over again. I’ve had one or two best friends who were girls. The rest were guys.
I grew up as the only girl in the neighborhood of boys. I’d play football, build a fort, pretend to be a superhero, & whatever else with them. I would play video games with them, kick their asses, & then go read some X-Men comics with them. I didn’t understand why they could take their shirts off in the summer & I couldn’t. I also didn’t appreciate when their parents told my friends to go “easy” on me “because I’m a girl.”
The girls friends I had dumped a bucket of water on me because it was late & I fell asleep. I still remember hearing their laughter. They also cut up the neighbor’s flowers & blamed me because I was too scared to speak up for myself. Those were the so-called “friends” I had. My guy friends just treated me like one of them. They would never dream of hurting me like that.
So yes. From an early age, I hated sexism. 😉
As I grew up, I learned my relationship with my friends suddenly changed. They were starting to date & branch out into relationships. It never bothered me. Like I said, I was one of the guys. But something changed.
Somehow, seemingly overnight, I became a threat to their latest girlfriend. The girls would spread rumors about me, shoot hate rays out of their eyes, & eventually give their boyfriends an ultimatum: me or her. No one won in this scenario. Either they chose their flavor of the week & dropped me, or they chose me & risked having their heart broken which was “my fault.” It was always ugly & painful.
Over the years, I learned that it must just be me. After being ditched by my guy friends repeatedly, I finally just stepped away whenever they dated someone new. It was, & still is, extremely painful. I felt betrayed all around.
The sad fact is I still deal with this shit. To this day.
Just the other day, I saw an old friend of mine. I said, “Hey!” & his wife was mean-mugging me the whole time. Calm down, woman. I’m not gonna steal him away. Just saying hi. Loosen up your grip on his balls.
While I was happy to see him, my heart was heavy & hurting. I had done NOTHING wrong. But the missus wasn’t having it. I made very light conversation, was extremely polite, & walked away. I wanted to crawl in a hole & cry. Why does this happen to me?
Oh, in case you were wondering, it doesn’t seem to matter if it’s a heterosexual couple or not. I’ve had a gay friend’s boyfriend not like me. For fuck’s sake. This is just getting ridiculous.
Why is it damn near impossible to have platonic relationships? Some of my old guy friends are happily married with kids. I’m not even a blip on their map. Doesn’t matter. If their significant other doesn’t like me for some reason, I’m pushed out.
And yet. People wonder why I have trust issues. Sigh. Wouldn’t you?